A flower I bought for the garden. African Daisy! So love the colour 💜.

Loooooong word isn’t it. Supraventricul Tachycardia or SVT.

So here’s the deal. I’ve been having a rapid heart rate for about two months now. When I mean rapid, I mean outside of the normal range (60-100 bpm) at resting state.

For years I’ve had a very stable heart rate. Always within range but having a constant one over 100, came as a start to me. I found myself feeling as though, quite literally, that my heart was in my mouth! I can feel every heartbeat. In my neck and in my chest.

Using my timer on my phone, I’d count it. The worst readings are in the evening and in the morning. Probably as I’m not concentrating on doing other things then. But they would creep up to around 120. Okay, now for some people, that may not be high. For me, it’s too much.

Off I popped to see the doctor Wednesday 5 June 19. Dr Brinksman is my fave doctor at the practice. He’s one of the partners of the place. Being there over 27 years now. Yorkshire fella with a fabulous sense of hunour. He checked my pulse and asked me to book in for an ECG, which thankfully could be done at the surgery.

One of the lovely practice nurses, Natalie did the ECG first thing on 6 June 19, asking me to book in to see the doctor afterwards. She said everything looked normal, but considering my heart history, best to have a chat with them.

I managed to get to see Dr B that same morning! Now that was a good result! He said I have SVT! Long blooming name indeed. Basically for some reason my brain has began to tell my heart to beat faster. It’s part of the autonomic system which means, I’m not influencing it at all and it’s doing it without my conscious.

Oh heck! What does that mean. Dr B said it would be wise to start me on some beta blockers (Bisoprol). To which I said “oh no no no!”. I explained to him the reason for that answer. Just after my heart bypass, I’d been put on the lowest dose of bisoprol, once per day. If I took them in the evening, I struggled to wake up in the morning! If I took them in the morning, I’d be tired and sleepy around 3pm. In fact it’s the only time I’ve every fallen asleep on the job! I was auditing at Crown in Wisbech and was sat with one of the planners. I literally nodded off as he spoke to me about something he was explaining on his computer! OMG! I apologized and told them my drugs were still being trailed on me! Well it never happened again as I told the doctor that they didn’t suit me.

Dr B, acknowledged my reasons and said it was a fine balance. He then taught me a technique to use when it happens. Find the carotid artery at the neck and gently massage it. At the same time to take long deep breaths. I said I’d rather try that and help keep it under control, than to get medicated for it! Something I’m more and more against.

Okay, now I know there are something’s I must take to control various conditions that I have, but I don’t want to keep adding more and more drugs to my list.

I am sensible though. If I find the massage and breathing technique doesn’t work, or if I feel I have chest pain, I must seek emergency help.

Otherwise I will keep monitoring and trying.

Thank you for reading and happy week to you all. Xxxx

Thoughts of the moment

Supraventricular Tachycardia (SVT)

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This week has been full of challenges. I’m sure I’m not the only one doing that. Being on your feet, lack of sleep, hungry, upset,angry, frustrated or down right exhausted, to name but a few emotions.

How does anyone turn that around to being something positive and upbeat.

Oh for sure there will be many moments of sheer frustration and I guess the hardest thing to feel is a sense of support or direction.

During mental health week I wanted to share my experience today.

I cried. I cried in the shower feeling helpless and feeling like I’d lost control of my emotions. Watching certain programs, commercials and walking past all these beautiful aspects of “what could have been for me”, made me realise that for sure Normal is what the majority do.

When my cats are my fur babies and they rely on me for love and support. They don’t judge. Do you?

Do you question yourself? Do you feel you’re not “good enough”. Do you feel weak for even thinking those things? I know I did. This morning. Why am I crying? Oh heck, many reasons that stem from an immense desire to help and support. Sometimes, we need to take care of number 1, before taking care of others.

We are not machines (as much as I sometimes feel I am), sentient beings have emotions. Complex emotions that make us either smile or cry or make us feel nothing. These emotions ran into my life this week.

The complexities of life can be overwhelming. But how do we come to resolve them? I recall standing in the shower and feeling the emotions in their raw form. Oh come on! What have I got to be scared or upset about? I’m always on cloud 9! Well I wasn’t today. Does that make me weak?

I figured out my own stuff today. I know where I need to work on myself. Moreover I’ve learnt to be me. 99% over the bloody moon for being alive and having grey hair! Resilient.

1% doubt. But I’m me and I’m happy bring me.

How about you?

Thoughts of the moment

What a week so far!

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13.5.2019

It’s that time of the year where I head off to see Mr Basu. Devilishly handsome consultant who did both my breast surgeries in 2017.

So many memories flood back when I get over the South Birmingham Breast Care Unit at the Women’s Hospital. Gill was there, one of the Breast Care nurses who looked after me. She looked at me and then looked again, smiling. I said “you don’t recognise with hair do you!” She laughed, as did I.

Sitting in the waiting room, I got speaking to a lovely woman. Anita. Her second appointment with Mr Basu. I told her he was fantastic and such a competent man. I remembered the time I was offered another surgeon to do my second op, removal of all the lymph nodes in the right armpit, as Mr B was on hols. I rang one of the BCT (Breast Care Team) and told them that I was happy to wait for him in his return. I didn’t want someone else going in and doing stuff with my body. Anyway, the other surgeon and I didn’t see eye to eye. Mainly because she wasn’t as respectful as Mr B.

So I’m undressed and Mr B says “Hello”! “Nice to see you Mr B”, I said. “How are you?”. He said fine and then leaned against the window side wall and asked me some questions.

“So how have you been since I last saw you”, I said I’m good.

“So how is the lymphedema in the right breast and how do you feel about it?” “Does it get you down?”. I told him, I’ve done all the exercises given to me but the lymphedema just seems to get bigger. I’d already changed bra sizes twice and well I wanted to be symmetrical.

He told me about all the risks and said with my complexities of the heart and all would I really want to put myself under pressure like that. “Mr Basu”, I said quite firmly. This was the man I had to convince more than twice as to why I wouldn’t have radiation or hormone therapy. “I think you know me very well by now, I’m a very positive person and don’t let things “get me down”. The only thing I’d like is to not be lop sided. With one boob at 38 C and the other at 38 FF!”. “I hide it very well but I know”.

He nodded his head and asked me to reveal the girls. “Hmmm, I can see they’re still very lymphedema filled. Yes I can see”, touching the left and then the right, ” I can pinch to left but not the right”.

“Okay” he said, asking me to cover up. I said to him, before we thought of the next stage of surgery, I’d like to wait for the next mammogram results. “Oh” he said, “when is your mammogram booked for”. I told him I hadn’t received any notification for it. He said he’d sort it. He asked me if I felt any discomfort or pain in the boobs.

Yes I told him, where the tumor was taken out, it hurts. In both armpits, it hurts and sharp pains are also felt in the left boob now too. “Okay” he said, “I’ll get an appointment to you for the mammogram”. It’s not due till September and once you’ve had that, we can come back and talk again. But in the meantime, if you’re feeling any lumps or more bumps, call back in and we will sort out a quicker Mammogram”.

With that Mr B said “anything else”. I said “no” and I got dressed and left.

So I’d felt better for letting him have a look see and could tell he was surprised at their condition. Still a few months for the appt. they come on or around the anniversary of the last surgery. In my case, that was around September. I’m okay with that.

Although the pain is there, I’m not overly concerned. If I saw a massive change, I would be onto them fast.

Another day in the world of me!

Thank you for reading xx

Thoughts of the moment

Breast of Friends

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I’ve lived hand in hand with cancer since 2017. Everyone tells me I should keep fighting, but to me, fighting is like fighting myself. I don’t see a purpose to that. When I had my first chemo in Sept 2017, I was literally bricking it. I thought I was about to die.

When I came home that day from chemotherapy, I realised that this “way of life” that others wanted me to have, “keep fighting”, “be strong”, “you can do this”! Was a something that didn’t sit too well with me! I literally gave into other people’s expectations of what going through cancer was!!Miserable as I was then, I made a choice.

My choice was to talk to my cancer and make it my friend. Originally I thought the surgery would sort it! The docs has said it wasn’t invasive and was confined to my boobies. It wasn’t. They said it was small! It was 4 x larger than they said and had already spread.

The truth of the matter is that, my cancer, my friend, had started to spread. Where? We don’t know just yet! But beyond my lymph nodes for sure.

Why have I written this post. It’s quite simple for me. I don’t believe in looking backwards. Nin tells me I’m like a robot. I often feel it. I’m writing my biography right now and believe me, when you get to the 17 major surgery, you sort of realise just how resilient you are.

Life is truly and utterly amazing. Me and my friend walk hand in hand and if someday we argue, we’ll work on it to come to a happy conclusion.

Moreover, life is fleeting. Don’t let or allow people into your life, who zap your positivity away. Don’t bow down to the past. You either learn from it or keep focusing forward.

Easy for me to say right ? Well let me put this into context. We lost our Dad when I was 7!

I’ve had 3 laparotomies. I’ve had three failed IVF’s. I was refused adoption. I’ve had a triple heart bypass and emergency life saving heart surgery! Then I lost my Mum to breast cancer. Thank you lord for not letting my Mum see me going through Breast Cancer right now.

So when you see me smiling! I smile with all of my heart. Life is amazing. When you find yourself complaining about things, remember that girl whose water is so dirty, she risks dying from it. If your only goal in life is possessions! Fancy cars and homes, don’t include me. I’m happy in my muck and house full of cats that love me!

I don’t strive to be perfect! Perfect is what others do! I’m happy to give my last penny to that man in the street is so hungry, that his heart aches.

As for being skint!!!! I’ve been there too. Where no one helped us!

Cancer makes you poor but immensely rich of love and clarity!

Cancer, thank you for making me me.

Thoughts of the moment

Me

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Pictures from our first house hunting trip to Cornwall or Devon. So we’ve decided to up sticks and move south west. Not for a few years (2 at most).

As yet we’re not sure where but we had a great weekend looking around. We’ve found places we don’t want to live. Here’s to many more trips till we find the right one.

Nin enjoying his full English!

The narrow streets of Megavissy! Loved this place!

Charlestown

An ale in Bodmin.

Very windy Newquay Beach!

Day two! We headed over to Brixham and that was a brilliant day and well spent! We definitely love it here and this is a maybe for settling here in a couple of years time.

The weather was glorious and the people were so friendly. Nin has been here a few times, but this was my first.

A day of positive blueness. Plus the very lovely Teddy from the B&B we stayed in.

Teddy. ⬆️⬆️⬆️

Glorious Brixham and a jolly nice place for lunch ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Oh and the customary Guinness! As it was St Patrick’s day 🙂

Thank you so much for reading 🙂

Thoughts of the moment

Cornwall / Devon – 15-17 March 2019

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14.3.2019

Been to see the doctor and there are no strange lesions on the liver. Just a fatty liver. I’d explained to the GP that I’d stopped taken all but one of the heart meds and he explained that it could be the reason the liver enzymes (now at 116) are raised.

He’s put me back on all my heart medication:

Ranexa 375mg 1 x 2 daily

Ivabradine 5mg 1 x 2 daily

Perindopril 2mg 1 x daily (morning)

Simvastatin 40mg 1 x daily (night)

Aspirin 75mg 1 x daily (night)

Levothyroxine 1 x 40mg (morning)

He also explained that the function of the liver may not have altered because of going vegan and stopping the meds, and could still be cancer related! But for now, they’ll keep monitoring me.

Thank you for reading and lots of love xxx

Thoughts of the moment

Update to the Liver Post

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On 12 Dec I went to the GP to have my bloodsrepeated, for the thyroid function.  Ihad a call from the GP a few days after having the bloods done and they askedme to book repeat bloods in February 2019. This time the bloods were to check theliver as well as the thyroid. HUH!!! New one on me. Liver. I asked them what for and the receptionist said that the liver results were showing “borderline” forraised enzymes. Hmmmmmmm! What does that mean? I had another call from themasking me to come in also for Blood Pressure checks. Hmmmmmm!

Strange I thought.So had the appointment on the 18 Feb (BP and blood taking session).

I then got called in on the 20 Feb, Dr Curruthers explained the reasons for theadditional checks on the liver.

So, Dr Curruthers said in December 18, my liver results were showing borderline, but in Feb 19, they had started to rise. I just said, maybe it’s because I’ve gone vegan or stopped with some heart medication. She explained that was possible, but she wanted to book me in for a liver scan. I asked her the reason why and she explained that with having a positive diagnosis for cancer, there is always the possibility of it spreading. “Ah! Gotcha!”

Telling Nin was like another bolt out of the blue and his exact words were “Oh Fxxk”! I told him, “it’s precautionary” and we settled it down that way.

Come scan day, 6th March (yesterday), and I went to Oldbury Health Centre. Never been before, since most of my scans are done at the QE.

Well what a thoroughly uneventful visit. The assistant was non committal! Glued to her phone. The lady that did the scan didn’t even say “Hello” at first when I went it.

Anyhow, the top and tail of it was the ultrasound technician said she couldn’t see anything and thought it showed signs of a fatty liver. Explaining that that could be for a number of reasons, including changing diet and medication. Both of which I’ve done in the last 8 months, turning vegan and not taking all my heart meds.

Update 8.3.19

I got a call from the docs asking for me to come in on 14th March to get the results. Slightly unusually since the Ultrasound tech said I should book an appt next week myself to get the results. Hey ho!

Thoughts of the moment

Liver

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