Now aren’t that the truth – 27.7.18

Amazingly it’s just over a year since I had all my surgeries for breast cancer.

Today I met up with Rebecca, another fellow sister with BC. Although it was a mighty hot day and we were both sweltered!!!

It’s interesting when you talk to someone who knows exactly what you’ve been through, as opposed to those on the outside. So many parallel’s. Bex is brilliant. She has this constant positivity going on which some people think it’s put on or fake! No, you dumb asses! Some of us don’t want to wallow in being a BC person. In fact both of us spent more time talking about other things, than the thing we have in commons

I took this picture today. Look how parched the grounds of the cathedral in Birmingham is. Any chance of a photo opportunity is worth taking.

I digress. So I was wondering when I’d get an appointment to go back and “see how I am” visit. I’m still waiting for the angiogram so imagine it won’t be long.

Thank you for reading.

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CT Angiogram 2.7.18

What a day today was.I am writing this update one week after this has happened.

So I’d already not read the hospital appointment letter properly which said to bring someone with you. So instead of asking anyone to come with me, I’d decided to book an Uber cab to take me.

Got in the cab, did my nomad chat with the driver. A guy called Ali, close to retirement, 5 children (2 girls and 3 boys), from Bangladesh. Been with Uber 3 years since they started up in Birmingham. Drive a Mercedes Benz Viano. Large vehicle and was from smallheath. So why was this important. Well as soon as I’d got out of his cab, I quickly realised I’d left my phone in his cab! As I turned around to chase after him, he’d already gone!

I know it’s a phone and in the scheme of things, it’s nothing! I was distraught. I’ve never done that before and was so so upset with myself. I felt so lost because I had no means to communicate with anyone!

I must have hovered around for at least 10 mins in a daze trying to fathom out what to do!

Reluctantly, I went into the hospital and could feel my bottom lip go and I had to go into the toilets and have a cry. Someone else was in the loo and I couldn’t get all my tears of loss (yes sounds pathetic now! But tears of loss for my phone).

I then headed on down to Imaging where I was booked in for a CT Angiogram. I was still so upset but luckily the nurse Paula, who spoke to me took my mobile number and rang it a couple of times, but to no avail.

I was even crying while talking to her! After some pre check questions and weight and height, she took me into the room for the CT Angiogram. But first they needed to give me the contrast. So the nurse asked “how are your veins?”, I said “terrible”. Well she said, I will bring in our best person for you. Hmmmmm, she tried twice and couldn’t access my veins.

I was trying to do my breathing exercises and be as calm as possible, but cried. They could see I was super upset and in pain from the needles. They called the consultant who then tried. But that didn’t work either. So he said he’d write to my cardiologist to recommend a standard Angiogram.

I left the hospital just lost and desperate to get home. I got the bus home and then found my old phone with numbers on it.

I searched Nin’s work number and called him crying! Thankfully he calmed me down and I then spent the afternoon chasing Uber’s system of lost items! When Nin came home we even went to another cab place for advise and they said go to Uber’s offices in town. Everything is logged and I must have left 10 messages on the cabbies number but he never replied and so far, no phone has been returned.

That was my Monday last week. Upset and sad at losing my phone.

By Tuesday thankfully I’d snapped out of it and went to do some photography in town. I met Fi in town as she’s come over from Lincoln, on Wednesday. Had lunch with Gwen Thursday and had a chill day Friday before heading up to Leeds.

I have a new phone now, but there’s a fault on it so it’s going to be retuned for another new one. This one keeps heating up too much when I’m using it. Talk about ups and downs!

Well I’m here in Helperby staying at the Oak Tree Inn. Working in Dalton all week. Wishing you all a fabulous day. Thank you for reading .

Me and my boobies

8.6.2018

At 24,000 ft, the sun just looks amazing!

Quite a lot of people have asked me how I’m doing and I thought it might be nice to give a universal response. I’m doing alright.

I’ve ceased all treatment for cancer for many reasons but mainly because all the treatment (radiation therapy, hormone therapy) has a good chance of causing me more harm than good.

The chemo has sure messed with my heart and I’ve been rather unwell with it. I’ve fallen over twice, no apparent reason but most likely stupidity and boisterousness. Falling up stairs is a real art.

As it’s likely the heart has been damaged with chemo, I am just awaiting my appointment for an angiogram. That should give me some insight as to how the ticker is doing. .

Today I was at the lymphadema clinic, waiting to find out if the exercises to move lymph from one part of the body to the next point of lymph drainage, is working.

The nurse was very pleased it’s all going in the right direction. Me too believe me. I’m managing to just about shift the lymph fluid accumulating in my right (•)-(•). I’m really pleased about that as I didn’t fancy a mastectomy! So far so good.

Without further treatment there is a wopping 65% chance that I will be ok and not have the cancer come back. The odds aren’t great but my heart is my priority and not something that might or might not happen. .

Adieu! Onwards and upwards and Happy weekend to you all xxx

The Nuremore Hotel – Carrickmacross, Southern Ireland. Just a bit of air and this beautiful golf course is hearby.

😊😊

PS thank you for listening 😘

Cardiologist Appointment 2.5.2018

No pictures to share on this one since I removed all of the them to make room for holiday pictures! Yeah!

So we went to see the cardiologist for an appointment I should have had back in Dec 2017.

Nin was with me, so first a weight check and then an ECG and then the appointment to see the cardiologist. I’m sure the NHS would collapse without the boundless influx of Indian doctors and nurses that support it.

I didn’t quite catch his name but he was asking me questions about my heart pain and saying he didn’t think it was heart related. I explained that in December I was very short of breath whilst being treated in hospital after my 4th Chemo.

I’d explained about the swelling in my ankles and the sharpness of the pain but to be honest I wasn’t sure so much. I had so much on my plate in December and the details were sketchy.

He read that i had had an eco done on the heart and that that result was good. I then explained that even-so i knew there was a problem. Why to have aching and shooting pains randomly even on no exertion.

He looked at the ECG and said it looked fine and then decided to listen to my heart. Once he’d done that, he then announced he would organise for a CT angiogram.

Interesting as that is what the plastic surgeon wanted on discussion of the mastectomy!

Sounds a bit backward but I’ve decided not to have the mastectomy. Or any other cancer treatment! I’m happy I’ve had the surgery and the chemotherapy and I’m ok with my 65% chance of it not coming back!

So the CT angiogram will put my mind at ease about my heart!I had always refused radiation therapy and definitely hormone therapy! Why make myself iller with these things and I believe the 1% chance of damaging my heart is too greater risk for me!

So the next step is to wait for that appointment to come through. He explained if it was clear then nothing else needed to be done. If it wasn’t then back in surgery for the heart.

Every day is an opportunity to know yourself better. Every challenge helps you learn and grow. I hope I never stop learning.Onwards and upwards and thank you for reading xxxxxx

Lymphadema Clinic 27.4.2018

Now that was an experience altogether! What a beautiful area Mosely is! I don’t think I’ve ever travelled through it before but it was gorgeous. The hospital grounds are so pretty and the houses around it are so wonderful.

As I was walking into the hospital a fox ran across me and stopped and then went back to where he / she came from! Such a beautiful area.

Once I got inside I didn’t have to wait long to meet Jane. The wonderful nurse who specialises in lymphadema.

Wow what an eye opener and who was to know how important lymph nodes were and are! I learnt so much and Jane gave me exercises to enable the fluid to drain from one side of the body to the other! Lots of exercises that I hope will reduce the swelling and ease some of the discomfort I have right now. I do hope it works and doing them 3 x a day should push the issue forward.

Onwards and upwards and thank you for reading this xxxx

An impromptu visit to the hospital – 23.4.2018

Nin has had this absolutely awful cold! He even told me he had been taking paracetamol to help him feel better. Which is extremely unusual for him!!!

So he kindly gave it to me!

I’d gone to Wigan on the Monday and felt absolutely dreadful. But I knew the client was really keen on getting their audit done and I really shouldn’t have gone all the way there really!

I had a proper red nose! Lol!

So once the audit was done I knew I was shattered. I had been monitoring my temperature and realised it wasn’t calming down.

A tad high!

Well that’s when I had to call 111. I didn’t make it to work the next day and spent the day being freeZing!

So there I am ending up in A&E and arriving there by ambulance! Of all the things to happen. But the lady on the 111 call said it was best they got me there quick. After some bloods were taken they prescribed me some antibiotics and sent me home! Needless to say I hardly did much that week!!!

Thank you for reading xxx

There have been many upsets and sadness along the way, but this hurts me the most. Last year during our toughest year, we became skint! Not just a little bit skint but desperately skint. Not something you immediately think of when you are diagnosed with a life changing illness. .

As a consequence at the end of last year my only option was to put my wonderful home in the Northeast of England, up for sale. .

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Well on Monday this week, it went up for sale. Situated in the beautiful town of Crook in County Durham. .

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I fought long and hard to keep this house when my abusive ex husband tried to take it away from me. He bullied me in it, he threatened me in it and he stalked me in it, long after we split up and I moved south. Even through all that, this was my little peace of heaven on Earth. After years of being treated like a “piece of nothing” in it, I plucked up the courage and took a loan for a large sum of money to get him out of my life! The day I gave him the cheque, was the day I told him to get his stuff out and changed the locks! This was a big fight! And he didn’t win it! .

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All my babies lived there and two of them passed away there. I loved this place and am so sad to let it go. But I have to move onwards and be more financially stable. I can’t always work, I know this now. And no one knows what tomorrow will bring.

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To you, my beautiful heart home. With love. .

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