8.6.2018

At 24,000 ft, the sun just looks amazing!

Quite a lot of people have asked me how I’m doing and I thought it might be nice to give a universal response. I’m doing alright.

I’ve ceased all treatment for cancer for many reasons but mainly because all the treatment (radiation therapy, hormone therapy) has a good chance of causing me more harm than good.

The chemo has sure messed with my heart and I’ve been rather unwell with it. I’ve fallen over twice, no apparent reason but most likely stupidity and boisterousness. Falling up stairs is a real art.

As it’s likely the heart has been damaged with chemo, I am just awaiting my appointment for an angiogram. That should give me some insight as to how the ticker is doing. .

Today I was at the lymphadema clinic, waiting to find out if the exercises to move lymph from one part of the body to the next point of lymph drainage, is working.

The nurse was very pleased it’s all going in the right direction. Me too believe me. I’m managing to just about shift the lymph fluid accumulating in my right (•)-(•). I’m really pleased about that as I didn’t fancy a mastectomy! So far so good.

Without further treatment there is a wopping 65% chance that I will be ok and not have the cancer come back. The odds aren’t great but my heart is my priority and not something that might or might not happen. .

Adieu! Onwards and upwards and Happy weekend to you all xxx

The Nuremore Hotel – Carrickmacross, Southern Ireland. Just a bit of air and this beautiful golf course is hearby.

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PS thank you for listening 😘

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Thoughts of the moment

Me and my boobies

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No pictures to share on this one since I removed all of the them to make room for holiday pictures! Yeah!

So we went to see the cardiologist for an appointment I should have had back in Dec 2017.

Nin was with me, so first a weight check and then an ECG and then the appointment to see the cardiologist. I’m sure the NHS would collapse without the boundless influx of Indian doctors and nurses that support it.

I didn’t quite catch his name but he was asking me questions about my heart pain and saying he didn’t think it was heart related. I explained that in December I was very short of breath whilst being treated in hospital after my 4th Chemo. I’d explained about the swelling in my ankles and the sharpness of the pain but to be honest I wasn’t sure so much. I had so much on my plate in December and the details were sketchy. He read that i had had an eco done on the heart and that that result was good. I then explained that even-so i knew there was a problem. Why to have aching and shooting pains randomly even on no exertion. He looked at the ECG and said it looked fine and then decided to listen to my heart. Once he’d done that, he then announced he would organise for a CT angiogram. Interesting as that is what the plastic surgeon wanted on discussion of the mastectomy! Sounds a bit backward but I’ve decided not to have the mastectomy. Or any other cancer treatment! I’m happy I’ve had the surgery and the chemotherapy and I’m ok with my 65% chance of it not coming back! So the CT angiogram will put my mind at ease about my heart!I had always refused radiation therapy and definitely hormone therapy! Why make myself iller with these things and I believe the 1% chance of damaging my heart is too greater risk for me!So the next step is to wait for that appointment to come through. He explained if it was clear then nothing else needed to be done. If it wasn’t then back in surgery for the heart. Every day is an opportunity to know yourself better. Every challenge helps you learn and grow. I hope I never stop learning.Onwards and upwards and thank you for reading xxxxxx

Thoughts of the moment

Cardiologist Appointment 2.5.2018

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Now that was an experience altogether! What a beautiful area Mosely is! I don’t think I’ve ever travelled through it before but it was gorgeous. The hospital grounds are so pretty and the houses around it are so wonderful.

As I was walking into the hospital a fox ran across me and stopped and then went back to where he / she came from! Such a beautiful area.

Once I got inside I didn’t have to wait long to meet Jane. The wonderful nurse who specialises in lymphadema.

Wow what an eye opener and who was to know how important lymph nodes were and are! I learnt so much and Jane gave me exercises to enable the fluid to drain from one side of the body to the other! Lots of exercises that I hope will reduce the swelling and ease some of the discomfort I have right now. I do hope it works and doing them 3 x a day should push the issue forward.

Onwards and upwards and thank you for reading this xxxx

Thoughts of the moment

Lymphadema Clinic 27.4.2018

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Nin has had this absolutely awful cold! He even told me he had been taking paracetamol to help him feel better. Which is extremely unusual for him!!!

So he kindly gave it to me!

I’d gone to Wigan on the Monday and felt absolutely dreadful. But I knew the client was really keen on getting their audit done and I really shouldn’t have gone all the way there really!

I had a proper red nose! Lol!

So once the audit was done I knew I was shattered. I had been monitoring my temperature and realised it wasn’t calming down.

A tad high!

Well that’s when I had to call 111. I didn’t make it to work the next day and spent the day being freeZing!

So there I am ending up in A&E and arriving there by ambulance! Of all the things to happen. But the lady on the 111 call said it was best they got me there quick. After some bloods were taken they prescribed me some antibiotics and sent me home! Needless to say I hardly did much that week!!!

Thank you for reading xxx

Thoughts of the moment

An impromptu visit to the hospital – 23.4.2018

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There have been many upsets and sadness along the way, but this hurts me the most. Last year during our toughest year, we became skint! Not just a little bit skint but desperately skint. Not something you immediately think of when you are diagnosed with a life changing illness. .

As a consequence at the end of last year my only option was to put my wonderful home in the Northeast of England, up for sale. .

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Well on Monday this week, it went up for sale. Situated in the beautiful town of Crook in County Durham. .

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I fought long and hard to keep this house when my abusive ex husband tried to take it away from me. He bullied me in it, he threatened me in it and he stalked me in it, long after we split up and I moved south. Even through all that, this was my little peace of heaven on Earth. After years of being treated like a “piece of nothing” in it, I plucked up the courage and took a loan for a large sum of money to get him out of my life! The day I gave him the cheque, was the day I told him to get his stuff out and changed the locks! This was a big fight! And he didn’t win it! .

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All my babies lived there and two of them passed away there. I loved this place and am so sad to let it go. But I have to move onwards and be more financially stable. I can’t always work, I know this now. And no one knows what tomorrow will bring.

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To you, my beautiful heart home. With love. .

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Thoughts of the moment

A Home is Where your heart is.

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It’s an interesting piece isn’t it? I think most people assume that if you have cancer there is some magical money pot that is accessible by all and enables you not to worry where your next £ is coming from.

For some who are wise enough to take out critical illness cover (CIC) this dilemma albeit a long process, allows the majority of people to not worry about the every day financial pressures.

In fact I have always had CIC and up until undergoing the triple heart bypass in 2012, I didn’t realise I could cash it in. Thankfully my good friend Jim reminded me and it enables me to pay off a lot of debts and put a hefty lump sum down for this house we have in Brum. I didn’t pay off my mortgage on my property in the north as the bank said it wouldn’t be worth it. I was and still am on one of the lowest tracked interest rates for it.

BUT! When I was diagnosed with cancer, I wasn’t in such a privileged position anymore and as a consequence, had zero money coming in last year. While everyone has the right intention, not one person asked me directly about money and if we were ok. That’s not a criticism, it’s a fact!

I spoke to many people, CAB, McMillan, the pensions company to see what resources were available. I even went to the bank who refused to help me as my credit rating was shot at the time. We just didn’t have enough to pay all the bills on time.

Also, going into hospital costs money. Lots of money. Compared to other countries in the world and not underestimating the benefits we have in the NHS, car parking, food, being off work for my appointments, took its toll on both Nin and I.

We used to argue about money and because I had a chemo head at the time, it was so hard for Nin. He was doing his best and I couldn’t do anything. No ones fault, just the way it was.

Eventually the only option I had was to look at a long term solution and no one knows really how long we have. We were brassic and things were so very very tough for us.

Whilst in hospital in December and being told I could possibly have another tumor, I was so fed up with being there, I shut the door to my room and rang the office and asked to be given auditing work to do. I decided after many hints that only we could get ourselves out of this. Going back to one was one option.

The second option was to discuss selling my house in the northeast of England and recouping the monies from there. So after much discussion and wonderful openness of Ann and Iain (the tenants) in my house, the idea of the house sale took place.

It really is with much sadness that I’ve listed it for sale and wanted to put into immortality, pictures of this wonderful home that I lived in for 13 years. The house has just gone on the market and I know with Luck, it will sell. I hope you enjoy these pictures too and thank you for reading xxx

Thoughts of the moment

Financial Worries when you have cancer.

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I’ve been having the most amazing journeys the last few weeks. Meeting some fabulous people and learning to actively listen to them as they speak to me.

We don’t do a lot of listening. We’re obsessed with saying what’s on our mind before opening our hearts to listen when someone is saying things to us.

I don’t know.

Goodnight x

Thoughts of the moment

Reflection

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